OxBlog

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

# Posted 6:50 PM by Ariel David Adesnik  

SEINFELD AT THE NYT: Seinfeld was a show about nothing. Everybody loved it. Seeking refuge from the scandals wreaking havoc at the Times, Maureen Dowd has decided that she, too, should write about nothing. And I don't just mean that she's incoherent. Usually she's incoherent when writing about something. Now it's just nothing.

But what's truly miraculous is that Ms. Dowd continues to obey the Immutable Laws even though she is writing about nothing.

Law the First is "the People magazine principle: All political phenomena can be reduced to caricatures of the personalities involved." Dowd writes today that
It seemed perfectly natural when Dennis Kucinich had a dark brown stain on his light blue tie at a recent presidential candidates' forum.

Dishevelment — stains that indicate you had soup at your desk as you sorted through Social Security offset taxes, or that you are wearing a hand-me-down sportscoat your dad gave you at Harvard — signals that you're far too busy pondering the meaning of neoimperialism to look in the mirror.
Law the Second is that "It's easier to whine than to take a stand or offer solutions." Hence the incisive conclusion of today's column:
That's why men are from Mars, a planet where, strangely, it is possible to have too many pairs of black pants.
Law the Third is that "It is better to be cute than coherent." The men-are-from-Mars quote lets us tick off that box as well.

Law the Fourth is that "The particulars of my consumer-driven, self-involved life are of universal interest and reveal universal truths." Hence Dowd's column opens with a declaration that
I know this is an odd bias, but I really don't like to see a him-and-her shopping for clothing for her...

I hate to play into stereotypes, but when I see men following women around the couture departments of Bergdorf's on a rainy Saturday afternoon like trained poodles, it crosses my mind that they should be home on their Barcaloungers watching ESPN and eating a Jerry's sub.
Somehow, I don't think that me and the rest of the Macy's crowd are going to worry about what goes on at Bergdorf's.

Moving on, Law the Fifth states that "Europeans are always right." Which explains why
President Clinton raised eyebrows here when he began wearing showy Zegna ties and double-breasted suits with double-pleated pants designed by Donna Karan (DKDC). Was he going Euro?
To think: If only Bush dressed that well the French might have endorsed a second resolution.

So there you have it folks. A column about nothing that obeys the Immutable Laws. So let me make a recommendation that violates all five of the laws: Fire her. Now.
(0) opinions -- Add your opinion

Comments: Post a Comment


Home