Wednesday, June 07, 2006

# Posted 8:56 AM by Patrick Porter  

I SEE, ITS OUR FAULT: Who is to blame for the aborted terrorist attack on Canada?

Open thread: I'll buy a beer (or a sparkling mineral water) for the person who can come up with the most unrigorous, cliche-ridden effort to apportion blame to the Canadians.

Extra drinks if you can work in to your litany the following: 'neo-liberal', 'root cause' and 'demonise.'

UPDATE: The efforts so far have been mighty fine. But there is stiff competition.
(9) opinions -- Add your opinion

It’s all their fault …

For not being sufficiently inclusive, sensitive or other worldly. The Canadians have no one to blame but themselves for the arrest of so numerous industrious tillers of the land who only needed three tons of ammonium nitrate to help fertilize the soil of Canada’s storied tree industry.

That they might choose to employ those many enhancements in a largely paved urban area is beyond me. But who am I to judge. I am no simple farmer in tune with the land and God.

That those obviously devout fellows of Asian descent, perhaps those of one of the many countries suffering under the yoke of oppression as a result of the oppressive imperialism founded upon the need for oil had no recourse but to resort to necessary force, albeit aborted. Alas.

Canadians should not look for scapegoats when it is they, they who are responsible for those benighted unblemished followers of the word.

The Canadian legal world knew or should have known that their yearning for a singular world in which they might prosper and lead has been perhaps dashed save for an understanding jury now have little hope for redemption from those many Islamaphobes striding the halls of power in mighty Canada.

Ah, mighty Canada, where art thou? I remember a time when your fame for good schools, housing, medicine and peace meant nothing to you. Grandeur. Fey. Pragmatic, hard working, brainless folk—sawing down every tree in sight. You were at the peak of your existence. Where are you now … laid low by … scheesh … conservatives? Dare I mention the word “cabal?”

I pity you.

Could you not see it coming? By common knowledge, one must know not to breach the rock hard dicta of “do nothing.” Someone might get angry, for Pete’s sake. Can’t you see it?

I don’t know, perhaps it takes the eyes of the child to announce that the emperor has no clothes.

Clearly, Canada now has no clothes.

Canadians are in the grip and are aligned with the evil hegemony of their southern neighbor and are apparently following in lock-step according to the wishes issued from the very banks of the Potomac.

Why anyone would want to issue orders from a river bank instead of a limo or plush office is beyond me. Cell phones, I guess. Surely, another modern convenience, just like ammonium nitrate. Strange. Science works for you and against you. A conundrum.

Nevertheless, I must not digress. In the world of high science (is that compatible with our discussion here, I think so) there is a theory that quote, sorta “if a tree falls in the forest, will any one hear?” Or care?

Well, “Yes, Virginia. Some one will hear and care.”

You see chaos theory has it that if you are from lands not Asian and there happens to be a galactic war in the Sirius system then it is very possible that you are at fault. Well, (I must say to myself) that explains why my hedge fund went belly up last week.

Clearly chaos theory has much to do with those simple folk, tilling the land with vast quantities of ammonium nitrate in an effort to stop the denuding of glorious Canada’s pulp wood forests and my much diminished hedge fund.

Can’t we all just, you know, get along?


Etc. etc.


I forgot to use the terms 'neo-liberal', 'root cause' and 'demonise.'

Does that mean I lose points on the exam?
Oh Canada, you have no one to blame but yourself. Your bleeding-heart liberal views on foreign policy are the root cause of this miserable terrorist attempt. Hypocrisy! How dare you insist on adhering to NAFTA with your quasi-neoliberal ideas when it comes to softwood lumber? You should know that free trade oppresses the unsubsidized workers in other countries, even the US.

Additionally, your political leadership at the start of the Iraq war may have voiced its discontent and the Canadian population may have paraded its disdain for the invasion of Iraq, but you failed to demonize the “Great Satan” to the south. Granted the suspected terrorists might not have understood Chrétien when he spoke about Iraq (no one does), but that’s not excuse. You, Canada, should have denounced America’s imperialism and war crimes. Moreover, how can you possibly assist American imperialism in Afghanistan? Preventing further human rights abuses in the country and assisting in the creation of a stable democracy are no excuse. The Canadian Forces stood idly by as the Americans bomb innocent civilians. And the Canadians should have pulled out the moment the Afghan courts tried to hang a man for converting to another religion (in this case Christianity). I mean, what kind of democracy are Canadians trying to create and defend?

In the end, Canada you have only to look in the mirror.

PS: Hi, Sorry. I hope that I wasn’t too harsh. I tried using political clichés as opposed to Canadian stereotypes. But I guess I could have pointed out that the suspected terrorists did not get their annual delivery of maple syrup this year, and that they were forced to hunt seals in Toronto. Anyway, excuse-me if I offended you. And if I might be a bit presumptuous, please don’t buy any of that flavored water to the south, Canadians drink real beer.
Also posted at my blog

I'll take a shot:

Before we let the Thatcherite neo-liberals of the Harper government demonise a valued part of Toronto's multicultural community, Canadians must look in the mirror to find the root causes that drive young Muslim men to plan acts of terror. Although Canadians pride themselves on their differences from the Great Satan on their southern border, there are many aspects of Canadian culture that drive impressionable youths into the arms of radical Islam. Is Canada just the Great Satan with national health care? No, it's worse:

Canada is not friendly to Muslims. Does Canada's legal gay marriage respect Muslim tradition? And what does a young Muslim find when he tries to join a Canadian melting pot? The cured flesh of unclean animals, and beer.

Poutine and hockey do not offer enough to these disaffected youth. A few may try to become more Canadian by watching Hockey night, but
"How many times have you been watching a Hockey Night In Canada game, only to be cut short with a minute left, because CBC's The National must be aired or some other wonderful show like The Nature Of Things?"
It is enough to drive one to jihad.
With ruthless efficiency, the steel jaws of the State's illegal internal spying apparatus have clamped shut on seventeen of our own citizens. These promising youths were the flower of our open society, and now they languish in chains, their writ of habeas corpus suspended, dehumanized pawns of the neoliberal machine that has effortlessly spread its mechanical tentacles out from its mighty seat on the banks of the Potomac. What thinking citizen can now doubt that this is indeed the world of "1984", where humans become lambs sacrificed at the altar of the State's insatiable need for another, an Other, Enemy?

These youths were part of the greater humanity that cannot be confined by national boundaries, responding to the world zeitgeist of ever-increasing restlessness, ever-growing rebellion against the reckless and feckless imperialism with which Bush and his inept country-club cronies crush the freedom-loving nations of the third world under an iron boot. The desperation of ordinary citizens of these impoverished countries, as they see their rulers threatened and their foreign policy options circumscribed with no apparent end in sight, cannot but be heart-felt by those of our own inclined to sympathy.

And who, looking at the root causes of their terrible plight, can fail to Blame Canada? The soldiers in Iraq was not be answerable to our government, but they share our heritage, language and skin color. Less than four percent of our sixteen-year-olds can draw the border between Iraq and Pakistan on a map; how can we expect the indigenous peoples of the Middle East to show such exquisite sensitivity to our own internal differences?

Canada's passive-aggressive imperialism is coming home to roost. Like a puppet master it huddles in the north behind its giant Golem-servant, believing itself secure in its isolation. Giving no overt support to the enemies of Islam, it nonetheless reaps all the benefits of the Crusader's illegal wars. This stealthy repression has now had its day. The world can no longer be fooled, but will extract its terrible price.

But against the horror of explosions shredding the peaceful diners in our own pizza parlors, against the alarmist and propagandistic thought of our own children coughing their lungs out in the throes of a chemical weapons attack, we must set the equal or even greater horror of Islamophobic retaliation as these few troublemakers -- Canadian natives all -- are demonized as a symbol of the al-Qaeda bogeyman which Cheney's neocon cabal so desperately wants us to spend our waking and dreaming hours in sweaty-palmed fear of.

We must show that we are nobler than this; that to be born Canadian is to be born to tolerance and committed to peaceful resolution of all conflicts; that we have nothing to hate but hate itself.
all of you have earnt a drink!
Isn't Celine Dion Canadian? Man that alone in my estimation is enough to drive anyone over the edge.
real men do not attack Canada
This is rich: NPR had a report on Morning Edition on (I paraphrase), the need for Canada to be more welcoming of conservative Muslims and their values".

A Muslim rep said, "We want to be Canadian, but in our own way." I'll bet!

Transcript excerpt:

RENEE MONTAGNE, host: Canadians were stunned this week as new details came out about an alleged terror plot to blow up buildings and murder members of the country’s parliament. They are asking whether the government needs to do more to integrate conservative Muslims into mainstream society.

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