Thursday, December 30, 2004

# Posted 7:07 AM by Patrick Belton  


Flirting in North Dublin 101:
bird: so what are you looking at, ye gobshite?
lad: you, y'eejit.
bird: well wouldja fecking stop, ye fecker?
lad: can't.
This was reckoned by all who witnessed it as a quite sweet conversation, and a masterstroke by 'lad'. Okay, it didn't quite happen, but could have.

Department of Motor Vehicles:
When you go out of your nice Georgian doorway in north Dublin in the morning, there's an easy rule of thumb to tell approximately how long it's been since the window was broken in the car on the kerb:
• if glass shards are visible on the outside: the dispersion radius r, the wind velocity v, and Patrick's constant P are related to time t by the proportion t=rP/V. P is a proprietary secret for the moment, as I haven't yet figured it out.
•if the glass shards have been graffitied on: it's been at least an hour.
• if the glass shards are neon: there's a garda standing nearby. it's been roughly a week, and the car's being cited for a parking violation.

NB: Feck, properly spelled feic in Irish, is an irregular verb meaning 'see', or in the imperative, 'look'. It's not indecent in the least, and is good enough for Father Ted. Incidentally, I actually heard someone speaking Irish on Grafton Street this morning! Pretentious twit.
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