Monday, June 19, 2006

# Posted 10:39 PM by Ariel David Adesnik  

G.O.P. CANDIDATE REVEALED AS COMMUNIST! Surely, you must've said to yourself, OxBlog is above red-baiting. Well you know what? Hell no! Better dead than red!

So it turns out that Karl Rove is wrong and it's actually the GOP that is working to betray America. Look at the evidence: The GOP candidate in District 7 for the Maryland House of Delegates is none other than Nikolai Volkoff. That's a picture of him up above. Does he look like a good American to you? Hell no!

If you were a kid like me in the 1980s, you'd know that Nikolai Volkoff was one of the low-down, dirtiest wrestlers in all of professional wrestling. Along with the Iron Sheik, he resorted to countless dirty tricks in order to defeat real American heroes like Hulk Hogan. So does it surprise anyone that now he's running as a Republican?

As it turns out, Josip Nikolai Peruzovic was born in Yugoslavia in 1947. He became a member of the Yugoslav national weightlifting team and defected to Canada in 1968. Two years later he arrived in the United States. As he explains on his campaign website:
I arrived here in the states with fifty dollars in my pocket and one suit (I still have today). I was amazed of just how welcomed I was and how beautiful the USA is. I became a professional wrestler and immediately became a top draw around the world known as the "bad guy" that fans paid to see wrestle top stars such as Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and so many more, I sold out every major arena in the world and became a household name almost over night. I portrayed a Russian sympathizer to show the world what the evils of communism meant and just how bad communism is. I was not always in agreement with such a terrible character but after speaking with my manager Freddie Blassie, I agreed to portray the evils to show what was wrong with a very depressing and disheartening government. However, I was actually living the "American Dream" while building what would be a Hall Of Fame WWE career.
Nikolai's campaign slogan is "An American Dream for Everyone". His website doesn't provide much in the way of specifics, but you can buy a really cool autographed T-shirt for $30. If I lived in Maryland, that would be enough to get my vote.
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Hey, Nikolai became quite the All-American towards the end of his career. He teamed with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, of all people.

Hoo boy, did those matches suck.
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